Evil Squared

The good folks at evilsquared shows you how to have sex the evilsquared way. 

heath ledger is dead.  we should stop hunting crocodiles.  Heath ledger jokes aside, watch the evilsquared.com team discovering the news.

now clean my fucking bathroom.

Yesterday I woke up to find my bathtub full of brown dookie water and my bathroom floor drenched in what I assume was the same.  I also found my closet inexplicably damp with “H-doo-O” instead of H2O. 

 

actual file footage

I called my mom and then Boogie to inform them of my misfortune, but Mommy didn’t answer.  Boogie told me to call my landlord and stop calling him a nigger so I did (call my landlord).  He said he had no idea what the fuck was going on but he would send a Mexican out to help.

 

Before that, though, a gang of crack-smoking 20-somethings stormed my place and nearly passed out in disgust (apparently they can tolerate their own smegma-infested, STD-ridden cocks but recoil at the first sight of shitwater).  Some poor SOB had to clean out my bathtub while getting his pants soaked in the asspiss on the floor.  So they left, leaving the bathroom not exactly spick and span and quite deserving of the king of all teabags from yours truly.

 Well, they sent two Mexicans for the same price, so finally some good news.  The chalupa champions brought in a pair of Huge Ass brand fans and started drying the shit water out.  Um, what the fuck?  You’re doin’ it wrong!  These guys need to lay off the juice.

So that’s pretty much it.  My place still smells like wet…something…and I’m still not comfortable standing in that shower.  But all things considered, it was an adventure, and I’m wiser for the experience.  Now if it happens again…

I’m mad as hell and I’m not gonna take it anymore!

 

Alright, I’ve been reading complaints on various “web communities” (they are actually nothing more than gaggles of freeloading Internet noobs looking for their five seconds of fame) and finding that many people were upset with this movie.  Well I had the pleasure of seeing this movie film for theaters with my bosom buddies Dennis and Boogie (sadly, my bosoms are the smallest of the three).  So how was it?  Well, my first reaction was like this:

But then, upon finishing the movie and thinking it over, I was like this:

 

So after we left the theater, we all got into a big argument about the movie.  Dennis insisted that the intended “lesson,” if you will, of the movie was this:

But I was insistent that it was more like this:

While Boogie, in his drunken stupor, kept rambling that the movie’s plot was the following:

 Tsk, tsk…Some people just don’t get it!  In any case, I think we can all agree that we left the theater with a resounding thought of:

This has been a Monty movie review by Monty.  Thanks for reading, and whatever you do, STAY AWAY FROM THIS GODDAMNED MOVIE!  Haha, just kidding!  …Or am I?

The fact that i’m crazy is no stranger to the good staff at evilsquared.  Nor is it a strange concept to anyone that reads this site or has viewed my videos.  I am, for all intents and purposes, batshit crazy.

 The past week or so has been different for me.  This next week will be doubly so.  Out into the real world, looking for real work, at a real workplace.  Hopefully landing a job this week.  I’m excited.

At the same time these ‘normal’ activities remind me exactly how insane I am.  I wonder if the people interviewing me know whats going on under the surface.

While I’m applying for a job entering your data or taking your orders or speaking to your customers do you know that I during the previous weekend we all got together and smoked weed, drank, and fucked?

does she know how many orgies I’ve been to?  or arranged?  does she know how many girls I’ve watched fuck, or fucked myself?  does she know that I’m a monster?

Does she know that I have internet sites that are so disorienting that it would make satan blush?  Does she know that I’ve filmed more sex than she’s likely to have had?

Probably.

I wonder what she’s hiding….

So Friday I wake up, drag my lazy ass to campus, go to class, then go home and take a nap, and then head to work. After a fun night at work with Wilbur, I give Boogie a ring.

“I’m going to get laid tonight, find me someone to fuck.” I said.

He replied, “OK then. I’ll make some phone calls.”

I go home. Do a quick wardrobe change. And go down to Gallery because somewhere along the lines, my standards dropped dramatically. Get to Gallery, and there is absolutely no one there that I would be willing to fuck this evening. So an acquaintance at the shop goes through his phone, looking for potential candidates. This mission had, at some point, gone from a personal quest to a city-wide man-hunt. BINGO! He finds someone.

He calls the dude and says, “This girl has a message for you.” Hands the phone to me, and I state loud and clear, “Listen. You don’t know me, but *insert name here* said you might be interested in some action. It’s been awhile since I’ve gotten a good dicking, and I was wondering if you would like to help out.” And hand the phone back to its owner. Well give the dude my number, pretty sure I won’t be hearing from him, and go for some Village Inn. Well about 30 minutes later I get a phone call from the dude that will now be known as “D”. “I’ll come hang out for awhile.” So he joins our festivities.

A few hours later, I’m on Boogie’s bed with D, getting my brains fucked out. D goes for about an hour or so, and we go our separate ways. It was awesome! No stings attached, casual fucking. I love single life. Didn’t sleep at all Friday night, but I couldn’t think of anything else I’d rather do.

Pewp is my favorite word.  its the name of my internet router.  Its a genuinely adorable mispelling of the foulest substance a body can put out (unless you include semen, according to a few of my exes)

Pewp is not fewd, however.

 

check it out in the shop!

A recent trip our local walmart by the EvilSquared.com team uncovered this series of animatronic racist frogs.

God help us.

First in the series, if there are more bad decisions made you’ll be seeing them here.

 This episode involves a friend John, who guest stars.  It involves A Blonde Girl getting bondaged down with some industrial tape.  SOUNDS like a great idea, until you see the bruises and contusions this left

I was quite AMUSED.
Her skin?  not so much.  Not that she’s afraid of bondage or anything

 P.s.  Mooses say “I’m Hungry!” ?

Like naked fat men?  or hot chicks?  or weird bearded folks?  BDSM?

whatever your taste, we’ve got a taste of it in the new intro video.